Friday, December 30, 2011

10 Things I Gave Up Being Married to an Alcoholic Part 2/3

4. Being a daughter.
When we first ventured to California to live. We lived with my mom and so we spent a great deal of time with her. Every Saturday, I would take my dad lunch at the church he did landscaping at. When we moved over the hill, I would see my mom during the day often because, she works locally. I would still take my dad lunch and even visit him. As the drinking got worse money became tight. Visits even in town were down tremendously. It seems the worse his drinking was, the less either parent would visit...and yet, neither one knew. I would confide in him how hurt I was efforts on their parts were not being made...time and time again he'd urge me to "just let go"'s obvious that a certain parent did not care for me much. So, tearfully I have done so time and time again.
I am going to be reaching my hand out again, one parent in particular and I have a strained relationship. Once I told my husband being married to him was like being married to that particular parent. Every time I'd think everything was good....something bad was pointed out. The other parent, well works quite a bit and randomly calls and stops by. So, I am going to do the same.

2. Being A Sister
This is a tough one. I was never entirely close to any of my siblings except my oldest brother who is five years my junior. Over the years I have tried to offer support and encouragement for their situations. Offered my ear when they have needed it. Again I would confide in my husband how I felt they were embarrassed of me...again he encouraged me to cut the ties with said siblings I know mist of them think he is an ass or stuck up. But, like my parents none of them knew just how bad his drinking was.
I am going to try and be a better sister. I am going to put myself out there again, knowing it could end up the same. But, like isn't about taking the easy road...well, not for me.

3.Being a friend.
I always thought I was such a horrible friend. I mean at the rate that they pull away from me...I would have to be. Basically, it comes down to this. No longer will I stay just in the walls of my home. There is no reason for me to be made to feel guilty for having that time away. There is no reason on this earth that I should not be able to be the loving, caring friend I once was. Obviously though if I feel you have used or decieved me in some way, I will say something. Real friends should be able to be honest with each other and learn to see, not all of friendship is puppy dogs and ice cream. Real friendship can be ugly at times, and if shit gets heavy....a real friendship should be strong enough to tread through it back to the ice cream and sunshine. Real friendship isn't a one way street, it's arms extending both ways...I will not have that taken away from me.

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