Salutations 2012

A few snippets of the year

Hope. 2013 is full of blessings and wonderment....


Love
Momma

Rub My Eyes

It feels like the things that have transpired recently are from someone elses life. Chaotic and beautiful all at the same time. Hezekiah was readmitted back into Loma Linda Childrens Hospital on Wednesday evening. His incision was leaking cerebral fluid.
The next morning I had my OB appointive and was in the early stages of labor. I was advised to go to the hospital as soon as I could. I was at a five and 85% effaced. I went and made some arrangements first. My mom met me at the childrens hospital so that Jimmy could come to the birth. When I arrived at Hezzies room he had just had some fluid removed via some syringes that nearly made me faint. Before my mom arrived we took Hezzie to see Santa in the lobby and do some fun things.
We arrived around 12:30-1 at Pass Hospital and my labor was going better. At 5:51 my water was broken. At 6:45 little baby Tanni was born. I don't think I even pushed. I was sitting up and the nurse was rubbing my lower back. I was in AA panic and swore I was cussing the nurses out. Jimmy says that wasn't true. I told the nurse the baby was coming laid back and breathed through about three big contractions....she was out and the nurse caught her one handed before my OB could get there. He was just down the hall, it was that fast.
Hezzie came home Friday, the baby and I came home Saturday. I have to say I'm not doing well with the amount of stitches I have. I'm not enjoying that discomfort. Just hoping it doesn't linger.
I found out Jimmys dear friend passed the day Tanni was born. It's like his padding made room for Tanni on earth and now he's with his own children. RIP Chris.
We have a post op for Hezzie tomorrow. I hope it's better news. I just want to rub my eyes and wake up...and have it be rainbows and unicorns everyday. Well, maybe not, because I probably would take wonderful things for granted.

Love
Momma

ER and what not

My life is pretty much an open book. Chapter 37....Today I'm 38 weeks pregnant with baby number six. Yesterday I was told I was dilated to a three. So instead of finishing up my laundry nesting, I'm at the childrens hospital ER with my four year old. His surgery incision is weeping some sort if fluid and is pulsating. On the plus it's not infected.
The neurosurgeons seem to be allusive right now. They are being tracked like Bigfoot. We know they are in the building, but where? Is that them? Is there some sort if new neurosurgeon mating call we don't know of?
While we wait the four year old plays with some bright Fisher Price blocks, I'm in an uncomfortable plastic chair. All my lady parts hurt, I'm pretty sure my vagina is angry. I'm thirsty, but glad I am not urinating every twenty minutes.
Where are the neurosurgeons? We've got to make sure that the artery isn't communicating with this giant lump on his incision.
I have an OB appt at 8:45 and I'm wondering if I'll make it. Feet are swelling and did I mention I'm thirsty. I'm kinda hungry and the four year old wants water.
He's playing with the blocks lets hope they never become boring.

Home

Lots of prayers for healing, that made us possible for Hezzie to come home yesterday. Needless to say, he and I are both happy to be home. Probably more he. He was crying yesterday that he wanted to come home. Broke my heart.
During the early morning hours, he got out of his bed and pulled his foot IV out. So I went back into bed with him. I am glad at 36 weeks pregnant I would fit with him, so he'd be comforted. Most people know hospital beds are not exactly spacious.
The team that worked on him said he was recovering well. He will have swelling for a bit, and see his neurosurgeons partner in two weeks. The neurosurgeon will be teaching overseas. He's that awesome!
Before we left the hospital yesterday, we headed to the playroom. He had fun. That play room is a kids dream!
I feel so blessed at how rapidly everything for his surgery fell into place. It was less than three months after finding out he had the cyst.
He came home to a get well card in the mail. He was excited!
I'll keep updating about him and our everyday life...including a new baby soon.

Love,
Momma

Where Did The Week Go?

To say that I have not been so busy in my life, is in no way a stretch of the truth. Between daily meetings, volunteering, doctors appointments and such...I can hardly find time to nap. Okay, that last part is a lie, I do nap. I am up no later than 4:30 am to start my day and smell fresh coffee brewing (thanks Jimmy).
The kids had an amazing week last week. They spent quite a bot a time with daddy on Thursday and Friday while I was volunteering at Jimmy's treatment center with the family program they run. It was really nice to help what little I did, mostly greeting and participating in the event itself. This is something I am hoping to continue to do.

We put our rings back on, nearly 18 months to the date after removing them. Does this mean everything is perfect? No. However, we are working hard and becoming more understanding of what it means to be married to flawed individuals. Some days I think God has filling me with patience, not to say I do not get frustrated. His memory and attentions span is still something I am working on living with. I've decided that if he walks out of the room mid-conversation instead of yelling, I'll text him. Seems to work if he feels his phone buzzing.

Speaking of Jimmy...he celebrated 90 days sober on Sunday. He said 60-90 was the hardest. I am just glad he is doing this for himself, not because I was insistent or because he was sent by a court. He is working his program to the best of his ability. I hope he knows how much he has made our life different and better. Besides his program he is working with his psychiatrist on uncovering underlying issues. He is noticing his actions and thoughts more, and working on correcting them when he can.

Life has become a series of daily accomplishments....

Love
Momma

10 Things You Should Know When Your Addict/Alcoholic Comes Home

10 things you should know when your Addict/Alcoholic comes home

1. While they have the same name they are not the same person. A lot has changed both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. While you may not see if for awhile, it has occurred. The change can be hard to swallow when you have become accustomed to old behaviors and routines. In reality we should work on on ourselves while they work on themselves.

2. They may easily get bored if they do not return to work; even if they do, in most treatments, they have become accustomed to long, emotionally challenging days. They have told new friends, strangers to us, things they've held in for years, perhaps even lifetimes. They will become bored with mundane things; it’s and adjustment.

3. They can become forgetful or lack a memory that is age appropriate. This is completely normal and frustrating. Yes, for you, but mostly for them. Imagine the embarrassment of forgetting that you've not celebrated anniversaries or you think something that happened yesterday was actually earlier in the day. I've been informed that slowly but surely the memory returns.

4. While they run their steps, they maybe become easily upset or even depressed. Admitting the things they carry is not easy and then sharing them-- that's even harder. However, it's part of the healing and recovery process.

5. Depending on the addiction at some point the addict/alcoholic becomes sugar hungry. While for some people this is early on, for some it can come months later. Just remember they have been filling their bodies with junk for a very long time. I have been told sometimes it passes or sometimes soda or hard candy becomes a substitute.

6. They will try their hardest not to engage in conflict. There is often guilt and shame in facing the people they love and hurt the most. They may even walk away for awhile to get things right.

7. They have formed new and strong friendships. These will be the people they helped and at some point will help him when things of the past sound sweeter than life without the fog. Helping others is a big part of being and staying, clean and sober. It is one of the twelve steps.

8. Life will change in many ways. Finances, living situations, conversations, and family activities may be different. It won't be the party or sloppy nights in front of the TV. They will want life to be lived and loved in new ways--although this may not be immediate.

9. Appearances will change. The face will be more recognizable as the person you once knew. Sometimes the sloppy or revealing clothes will give way to fresh and clean attire. They will learn to care for and love themselves,

10. They are sober, they are clean, and they are healing. They may seem like a child a bit lost in a new world but they will find their way.


Be patient and be kind. Try not to dwell on the past remember, “don’t look back in anger”. Look forward to an exciting new future. Even though this change may seem drastic, if the addict/alcoholic truly has their heart set on recovery, life will be infinitely better.

Love,
Momma