5 Things Not To Say to New Spectrum Parents

1. He/She looks normal.

     Not all challenges can be seen on the outside. This is something that is a big misconception. 

2. But, he/she talks.

   Like most challenges, there is a whole spectrum of the childs abilities. While some may never communicate, some may talk later or need a communication device, while some may ramble on about one subject or two. 

3. I think you're making this up.

   Yes, believe it or not people do say this. They either believe you're overreacting or jumping on the latest "disability fad." Most parents don't want their kids to face extra challenges in life. (I say most, because there is a controversial mental disorder where some people make their child sick.)

4. Stop using your kid as an excuse not to see me.

  You have to realize that along with this diagnosis with Autism or Aspergers the child may have sensory issues. Actually, there is a good chance that the child does. So until meltdowns can be managed, it's easier for the parent to take baby steps. Not only that, some kids have  a lot of therapy appointments. You probably have no idea how much your friend would enjoy adult time.

5. He/She will outgrow it.

  If it were as easy as waiting out bed wetting. While certain traits may subside, other traits may linger. The child may learn to make eye contact but may never learn to manage anxiety. Some may potty train later while other may never. Nothing is black and white, a lot is grey.

5 Things I Never Knew About Being An Adult

You know when I was entering my latter teenage years, I had this amazing fantasy of what adult life would be. It was a rich fantasy of travel, close dependable friends, family meals and of course a life rich in artistic things. While I did travel quite a bit in my younger years, I have not done much since putting a ring on my finger. Much to my amazement I had married and introvert, that if he was single would move in to once place and spend his life there. Art was not the center of our world, and most of my friends moved on when I joined the military.

1. Some people marry their polar opposites. Oh, I know it's supposed to keep life interesting. For me, it's been beyond frustrating at times. I am the kind of gal who likes to just get up and do something. He's the kind of guy who likes to know far enough ahead of time, to find a way out of it.
2. You best friend at 18 will probably not be your best friend at 36. This was the hardest thing to reconcile. I actually had two bestfriends growing up. My bestest friend was my neighbor from down the street. While we didn't spend a lot of time together at school, we were still close friends. When I wasn't local, we wrote each other. He recently was married and I saw the pictures, was very happy for him. I also had a best girl friend, I really have to say this was a major let down. I know people change, but with change meanness should not ensue.
3. The people who come to your aid, are ones you would have never expected. Recently I had a bit of trouble with my van, and by a bit I mean some serious trouble. The family was stranded a couple counties away. A friend I had not seen since, I was probably 18 or so came to my aid. She got our van home and all of us safely as well. Another friend spent her Saturday afternoon taking my daughter and myself an hour away to an appointment. Completely unexpected.
4. Blood doesn't make you family. Both my parents are alive and well, yet I do often feel like I am the lowest thing in their life. Once I put it thought they felt I could do life without much help. I don't have close relationships with my siblings, as much as I try. I wonder if it's the age difference. My aunts and uncles were all close, they are spaced out in age so much. So no big family meals on holidays and just tons of hurt feelings. Meanwhile, I have become better acquainted with extended family, that's feeling the gap. (Thank You Facebook)
5. You'll never be good enough for others, but you'll be just right for yourself. I really don't think that needs explaining.