Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Frustration. Memory and Broken Trust

I don't know where to begin without sounding like an intolerable hag. I love my husband, I do so very much. No, I am not saying that to convince myself that I do...I honestly love every broken part of his being. All those puzzle pieces face down...I am trying to help him piece them together. It's a slow and frustrating process.
We have had some "conversations" recently about a couple things. He on his own volition promised he would not contact a certain rehab friend but, would respond to her and be nice. No problem on that, then he did. This morning first thing my trust was crushed. It's a sticky situation and his memory is so bad...sometimes I don't know if he honestly forgets things or is being a jerk. Another situation is that, there are rumors going around that facility about us and two young people who walked out of rehab. We helped one of them get to the sober living home, retrieve her medications and personal products. Now it's going around that we have them living in our home and that drug use it happening. Ummm no this is not at all what is going on. Both are very nice young people, we love them and if there was suspect of use we would ask them. Because, of said rumors Jimmy was told it was not a good idea for him to volunteer there. He contacted a few people, he told myself and a friend if and when the air was cleared he would not spend his time in a place that basically perpetuates gossip. Then today he was gung-ho about it...and I went over the edge. Yes, you might think that is crazy. But, after this morning it was just too much. Broken trust twice...over two things he did not remember saying.
His memory is so bad, and I have learned could take years to return. So, I get to decipher when he breaks my trust is it intentional or is it memory loss. If he could see why the frustration and hurt occurs without thinking I am crazy, life would be so much easier. But, nothing amazing in my life has come easy...nor his.
The poor guy is going through so much.(I will blog on that tomorrow) He is doing his part, making meetings, working his steps and he has a sponsor. Where's mine? Oh wait Al-Anon was crazy. With all of this going on his has numerous people reaching out to him and I have people walking away. Isn't life grand?
If I had one wish it would be for him to have memory, good memories, bad memories whatever just so he'd remember and not get frustrated.



  1. Replies
    1. Umm, I think it may be...perhaps you forgot who your wife is. LOL! xoxox