Baby Gifts!

Today the UPS man came with two little boxes from Amazon. I was excited. My friend Patrice from Facebook had sent stuff for baby Tanni. This was a highlight! This is what came.

When baby Tanni makes her appearance, she will have style and be in comfort. I always love making a registry on Amazon. Usually, I buy what is on there shortly before the baby comes. I never expect anything, so when I get them....I get excited.

Again, thank you Patrice!

Love,

Momma

Obstacles

Today was in no way as productive as yesterday. However the living room is clean. Hezzie has speech, his dad took him since he missed work today. I watched videos on river dolphins with Maggie and read some books with a couple of the kids. Hezzie is loving this dragon book we got from the library. The pictures have texture, I like that in a book as well.

I was texted by someone I had attended meetings with and she upset me greatly. She said some unkind words to me, that had me wondering how long...long time drunks stay selfish or if AA brainwashes people. Apparently, working on yourself to this women means she can not see past her Big Book and into real life.

Our plumbing has gone crazy. We have to wait until morning for someone to come out and see what is going wrong with it. The joys, this sent Jimmy over the edge and every flaw in my character was attacked. I think he needs stress management. I know I am not the best at anything I do, and maybe one day something I do will be great....it's just not now. I hate when bumps in the road cause so much damage.

Joaquin has been asking for sushi and keeps reading the Yoko book I mentioned yesterday. The little girl in it has sushi. He started a book on asteroids today.

Hope tomorrow is much better.

Love,

Momma

Libraries and Such

Today I took the littles to the library. We checked out plenty of books as well as paying a two dollar late fee. I am so horrible at maintaining library books. I am working on that. My kids all love the library. To them it's not a mundane event, it's exciting. That is how I have always been.

Most of the books we got are on the Solar System. Maggie and Waylon want to learn more on this subject, and I have a Magic School Bus kit to help them out. More on that soon.

Joaquin read this whole book today. Tomorrow I am taking him to get some more and return this and a few other books. If he enjoys those as well, we will be on Amazon adding them to our home library.

Maggie got a couple early reader books. With me and then later with Joaquin she read through them. Funny thing, they were both about dogs. This girl loves her animals. She is making progress despite her dyslexia. She doesn't let anything hold her back. Sometimes she gets frustrated and has to regroup. I am just thankful she knows when to walk away.

Here are the books that were read today.

Hope you all had a wonderful day.

Love,

Momma

Swimming Before Sunset

Last night Jimmy took the older boys to Boy Scouts. While he had them out, the littles and I enjoyed some backyard time. They went into the pool while I enjoyed fresh air that wasn't hot enough to burn my throat or fade my tattoos. They had fun hamming it up for the camera.

Waylon was water weary until our beach trip. This is great news for me. He is getting over fears a little at a time. This weekend may be his first overnight trip without a blood relative. Damn you Cub Scouts! He said he wants to do it, so we are going to look into it.

Hezzie was splashing around a little. Mostly he was screaming with joy at the silliness of Maggie and Waylon. These kids are so fun together. They call themselves "The Three Amigos". I call them fun!

Look at these two. They were taking turn being strong in the water holding one another. They crack me up.

Here is Hezzie some time later, Fluffy fell asleep with him. He looked so cute not to snap this picture. What can I say? It was a great night for all. Enjoying a little moments is what it's about.

Love,

Momma

Update on Broken Promises.

In December I wrote this post about the 10 promises my alcoholic broke. I thought I should give a quick update on how much has changed.

He has taken us to the beach, we have a new museum membership, he is still sober and we have taken a few field trips. The kitchen is nearly done painted.

Life is by no means perfect, even fairy tales have their dark side, life is increasingly different. We have even gone to family functions he would normally weasel his way out of. A lot of him working on him, great thing. I know he has bipolar disorder and social anxiety, so even a small change....to me is HUGE, to the kids it's MONUMENTAL!

In the picture above, he's not irritated, he has anxiety about the kids at the beach. Our oldest was way out, body surfing. Our youngest was getting his water legs. But, he never once said "We need to leave." He stuck it out, we all lived and had a great day with my brother and his family.

No matter how bad your alcoholic is, when he/she is ready to change....the change will be dynamic and even scary. Hang in there....

Love,

Momma

Weekend In Review

Saturday, Waylon had a Cub Scout swim party. It was pretty fun for him. He made a friend. It's nice to see him around kids and being unashamed to be himself. It was also nice that even though he is water weary, he was not made fun of. Not many from the pack showed up, so it was low key and not very loud. I visited with some of the parents for awhile, and it's always interesting to see how adults interact. I have grown used to limited adult interaction that is in person. For my kids, I will learn to move beyond my own comfort.

Saturday evening, we went to a birthday party and had a good time. I photographed the Hello Kitty themed party. This was a nice size crowd and there was lots of food. My friend really can put a themed together. Here are a few pictures from that.

We started to clean up and move things around yesterday for our big once a year unBirthday Party. That takes place this Sunday. Waterslide, snow cones, pool, trampoline and lots of food. Here is a picture of last years waterslide, she will be making a return visit! What did you do this weekend?

Hezzie and His Brain

Hezekiah started up another "school year" of speech at a local elementary school on Wednesday. He goes twice a week for now. He has an IEP coming up next month. So far, so good.

I got his appointment for his nuerosuregon appointment. He will see this doctor in Loma Linda on September 14th. He will read the MRI and hopefully the EEG that Friday. I am hoping and praying that something can resolve this issue. The cyst is 3cmX4.5cm on his LEFT temporal lobe. I don't know why initially I thought he said right. The neurologist did say it was putting pressure on his brain.

If you are the praying type, pray for him. He has already had one surgery, on his foot. I don't know how well he will like one on his brain.

Love,

Momma

Boy Scout Popcorn Sales

We have three boys selling for Boy Scouts. Our 12 year old wants to get on a 50 mile hike in Yosemite next year, our 10 year old wants to do smaller trips. We also have our six year old who wants to really go camping. If you are compelled to buy, they have online sales. I will link them for you all. Thank you! Remember you can have them sent to our military troops as well!

Dexter's Online Sales

Joaquin's Online Sales

Waylon's Online Sales

A Stranger In My House part 1

There have been strangers in my house, off and on for a year or so. They come in looking like my husband. They walk like him, bippity bopp from the street, they talk like him...no hint of a Texas accent. They even smell like him, yet somehow...they are not quite him.

The first stranger came late last summer and by the time fall came, he had taken over my husband. The drinking and anger was a far cry from the man I had met back in 1994. His words were like fire, torching everyone who dared glance his way. His eyes were now an ice blue, as I am sure it was because his heart was turning cold. Who was this man? Who was this person in bed with me?

He eventually saw something in himself he did not agree with...and decided to drop the bottle..err can. I was afraid it was too late, and wanted nothing more than to disappear from the memories we had made together, well except the children of course. His mind had him spinning, speculating and not trusting. His body wanted a drink, and the end seemed inevitable. Soon after he realized he could not go on much more and I took this stranger to a place, a place where only people who have no grasp on reality go. It was a Sunday in November and not quite cold yet. My whole self was agitated and my heart was sinking. The fall leaves were scattered on the campus of this hospital. We tried to pretend everything was nice, we even took pictures. I occupied my mind is meaningless text and really just wanted to sink into a bowl of self pity. Poor me, living with a person I did not know. When really, it was not about me. It was about this stranger wearing my husbands skin. A stranger saying mean things and accusing everyone of things we had not even thought of.

By the time I was able to leave, I stood on the other side, of secure glass doors wanted to yell "Just come home." I didn't though, again this was for him not me. The long drive home was hard to handle. The sun was going down and the beautiful scenery of back roads, was not enough to warm my heart. I was going home to five kids, and a cold bed.

He was only there a few short days, and I longed for phone calls. I longed for something.....something that was not so strange.

SO BUSY!

I have been so busy with the kids. Last Thursday, Maggie started Girl Scouts. She is a Brownie. Her troop is a Super Troop and she loves her leader. Look below and see her being all crafty! I signed up, as well. I did so, that way I could go on trips with her. We got membership scholarships, this works out because I still owe money on the van repair bill.

Friday night, I had a surprise, my lovely friend Tanni and her family were in town. We went to high school together. She is who the baby is being named after. She totally rocks and I hope to see her again, really soon.

Saturday I did a photo shoot on Saturday. Before the ceremony could officially begin, I got sick and ended up in the ER. How embarrassing. I am just glad I grabbed a bench before they shouted "Pregnant lady down!" Here are some of the photos from that shoot.

Sunday, we went to Del March Beach on Camp Pendelton. We went and visited my brothers family. It was such a nice relaxing time. Oh, how I have missed the beach and my brother. I can not wait to do it again, soon!

Monday, that started early. Jimmy took the day off to take Joaquin to his EEG. It went fast, since he was not so wiggly this time. But, look at those things on his head and his hair all over. He looks like he was head banging and took a slip.

He was still tired and had Subway on the way home...where is mine?! It's a Loma Linda visit tradition for him.

Lastly, here are my two hippie boys at Boy Scouts. They had a blast last night. We only had to pay $5 a boy, so late in the year. We opted out of Boys Life magazine for now. When we pay for next year, we will get it.

I am 23 weeks and some days pregnant....going fast!

Love,

Momma

Scouts in MY House?

Back in 2005 my oldest was a scout. Some family things and the troop leadership got in the way, and here we are seven years later starting again. He will be starting soon as will Joaquin and Waylon. Maggie starts Girl Scouts tomorrow.

I keep asking myself how did this all happen? I had sworn off scouting as it left a bitter taste in my mouth. Then the kids began asking again and more often. So this month they will all be doing something they want. In the end, it's their choice. Dexter had wavered for a bit on joining because of the whole "anti-gay" thing. He feels it's unfair to leave people out. However, he also knows that he could in fact change peoples minds, maybe not now but one day. He is a great kid.

The picture to the left my Dexter in 2005 with my mom in the local Christmas parade, he lost a six on the route.

I am excited for my kids, this is just yet another thing they get to do that I never did.

Love,

Momma

Weekend Update

Friday evening was a get together at my moms house. My sister and her family were down before military transfer. We celebrated her daughters first birthday. It was nice time.

Saturday, we had a family reunion. That by far was the best day of the weekend. At first I was unsure, seeing how it was 107 degrees here and raining when we left. Once we got over the hill, it was soooo much cooler. It sprinkled and rained a bit. There were lots of clouds in the sky and a nice breeze. The kids played and got messy, food was good... the company was good. It's always good to see my extended family.

Sunday, was lazy day. Then I started to clean up my room and worry about Hezekiah set in., All the "what ifs" started dancing in my brain and teasing me. Needless to say, it caused some tears. I don't think very straight in that state. It passed after a bit. Glad it's Monday and I woke up with all my kids home, happy and relativity healthy.

Love,

Momma

Heat and Volcanoes!

Heavens to Betsy it has been super hot here. We don't have the van til Saturday, so we are stuck at home. If the weather was cooler, we would at least walk somewhere. Not in this triple digit heat.
The kids still are stuck on volcanoes, so now my dining room looks like a small classroom. It's like third grade exploded. This is what they want though, and isn't unschooling about meeting the childs need? I think so. Here are some pictures from today. Hope you enjoy and are inspired by our inside science fun.

Volcanoes!

The kids are really into volcanoes right now. They have been busy learning stuff about them and making crafts. So far this is what we've done.

BOOKS

More Volcano fun to come.
Love,
Momma

Of Seizures and Brothers

I have been avoiding blogging lately as to not complain. You know, sometimes life throws us curve balls. The van has been in the shop for longer than needed, my iPhone will not restore. Just things, things that are not life ending just frustrating.

Joaquin has been staying up WAY too late, even with melatonin. He says he has been worried he is going to get sick. "Mom, I always get sick in August. It ruins my birthday. It's just bad luck." Strange thing is, none of us recall this bad luck. However, Joaquin has been known to tolerate sickness and pain for long periods of time without telling us. I have to say, it's probably his Autism.

Last night he was up pretty late and fell asleep on the living room floor. Around 1:20 am he sort of sat up and was seizing. He came out of it foaming and spitting. I ended up being awake for some time after that. He fell back to sleep and until this afternoon was pretty tired. He will be seeing his neurologist again pretty soon. Joaquin will also be having his MRI and EEG soon.

Joaquin has a MRI not too long ago. The neurologist from Loma Linda called me today. Hezzie has a cyst on his right temporal lobe. From what he says, it's pretty sizable and putting pressure on his brain. The doctor will be referring him to pediatric neurosurgery. He has an EEG soon and hopefully that will tell us more. I have to say the neurologist they both see is pretty amazing.

When I got this news, I was not anxious. I was not worried and still will not. I know in the end, worry for me...it's like picking an infected wound. It makes things worse and nothing gets accomplished. Also, it's not about me as mom, it's about him (them). It's about making sure they have a life outside of my own expectations. I love my boys.

Love

Momma