Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Personal Inventory

Working the steps alongside myy husband has revealed some not so amazing things about myself, to myself. I am sure Jimmy already is aware of my short comings.
I found out my biggest fear has nothing to do with my husband , my children or my parents. My biggest fear has to do with my brother closet in me in age. He will be 31 this year and has a heart of gold. He has a weakeness for neglected kids, kids without stable fathers and whose mothers are not readily available. These children are much like how he was when he was coming up.
He is loyal to his friends and family. His sense of fidelity would have served him well in the military had he been able to stay in.
Over the years he has had on again off again affairs with substance abuse. He can go long periods where he maintains sobriety and periods where he can not be found. I love him and my biggest fear is losing him to this things, losing him in death without seeing his greatness shine through. I know under his rough exterior is that hear of gold, that man of a million talents who is waiting to burt through. For that to happen something needs to change and it has to be of his own wanting and desire. He has to accept that's a scary thing.
I love him more than I even love my parents, for he is all of me and I am all of him.


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