Sunday, April 8, 2012

How a Blog Made Me Cry

Randomly I was reading different Facebook pages. I came upon a link for this article. As I read the blog post not only did I see so much of my darling Maggie, I saw so so much of me. Me as a little girl, as a tween, as a teenager and even me as an adult.
I continued reading more of the blog. I came upon this list, I love lists. I came down to number nine and just sank. My heart sank into a million little pieces. Reading that along with section E. # 1 from the previous article, and I literally lay on my couch and let me heart sink further. Laying there and I was almost in tears. Little snippets of friends who have come and gone, the time invested in these friendships, and the amount of my heart I put into them .... for people just to walk away.
For most of my life I thought I "needed" a large extended group of friend, or a small close knit group. I even tried getting these friends to mingle with each other. All failed attempts at mimicking a part of my parents lives. They are all pretty social beings. Growing up they had friends, all kinds of friends. I thought that is what normal people had, friends around all the time. Turns out that is not my lot in life. I have learned to enjoy what I have.
In real world social situations, including with family I often feel outside of myself. Life there is no appropriate place for me to fit. Sometimes I will latch on to someone I am familiar with if my husband is not with me, or I just sit and watch people. I have learned some ways to deal with it, and sometimes when I compare, I let it get to me.
I will end this post now, it's become a "friend" once told me..."We can't be friends anymore, you are painfully loyal." Are you as baffled as I am.



  1. It is completely baffling, Anita. My 16yo dd with Aspergers recently learned that her two closest friends, her best friends for over 6 years, had been talking about her viciously and vindictively behind her back for at least a year, trying to sabotage her other (very few) friendships. It was so senseless but there was no question that it happened, one girl admitted to her mother that she liked to play a "bashing" game with other kids in their circle where they trashed and tore down my daughter whenever she was not around. And why? My daughter is the most loyal friend there could be. Yes, baffled is a good word.

  2. I am sorry the post made you cry. We have a lovely group of people on my facebook page. Hugs to you. Everyday Aspergers